Couples counselling can be really difficult. By the time you find yourself sitting in a counsellor's office, tensions may already be running high. You might feel like things are impossible, that you've reached the end of your rope, or that you've already started to check out of the relationship.
Maybe there has been betrayal, broken trust, anger, shutting down, or ongoing conflict. Maybe you're struggling with the division of labour, differing values, parenting disagreements, or communication that goes nowhere. Sometimes it's hard to even pinpoint what has happened. You just know that things don't feel the way they used to.
Whatever has brought you there, it can feel overwhelming.
Couples counselling offers a space for two people to come together with a trained third party who can help observe patterns, slow things down, and create opportunities for each person to be heard, but also to hear.
Sometimes we feel so strongly about our own experience, our hurt, or our frustration that we have very little room left to hear the other person. We may feel triggered or activated by what they say, even before we've had a chance to really take it in. Conversations become highly charged, familiar arguments repeat themselves, and both people can end up feeling misunderstood, unseen, or alone.
Often, it isn't just about what is being said, but what is happening underneath it. What are we reacting to? What hurts? What are we needing that we aren't able to communicate? What patterns have developed between us, and how are we each contributing to them?
When you come into the counselling space, we begin by working toward creating a sense of safety together. This doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations or pretending that everything is okay. It means creating enough space to slow down, become curious, and begin to understand what is happening for each person.
From there, we can start to untangle some of the patterns and dynamics that may be keeping you stuck. We can work toward rebuilding empathy, understanding where each person is coming from, and making room for experiences that may have been difficult to hear in the past.
Perhaps you've forgotten why you chose this person in the first place. Perhaps there is a lot of hurt that has accumulated over time. Or perhaps you're both wanting things to change but don't know how to get there.
I draw on a variety of approaches in couples counselling to help explore what has happened, understand the patterns that have developed, and consider what might be possible moving forward. Sometimes that means rebuilding trust and connection. Sometimes it means learning to communicate differently, understanding each other's needs, or having conversations that have been avoided for a long time.
Couples counselling isn't about deciding who is right or wrong. It's about making room for understanding, taking responsibility for our own part, and exploring whether there is a different way forward together.
And sometimes, having someone help you slow down enough to really hear each other is a meaningful place to begin.